Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
Denying blame or responsibility for marital discord is what I call “Not Making I Contact.” This of course has its roots in childhood “dodging the bullet” responses when we were caught by our parents for doing something naughty, yet we denied any blame despite the accuracy of the parental eye. One of the funniest forms of this has been seen countless times in “America’s Funniest Videos,” when a little tyke has chocolate all over his/her face, or lip stick, as well as all over the walls and furniture, but since the deed was done in secret, with no body caught them red handed, they deny the fact, despite evidence to the contrary.
Here is a pretty cool scripture that lets us know the birthing of our faith comes through our submission to God’s revelations about our sin life, without which we have no abundance in this life or the next one.
2 Tim 4:4 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
The great numbers of teachers bellowing after us during our marital discords are the thousand inner voices of our childhood denial, yes, Satan goes after this small fault in us.
Without the ability to accept blame, there can never be growth, or peace. Denial of the facts (Facts can be when a number of people tell you the same thing, including your spouse, as well as the "Still small voice of God" trying to whisper truth into us.) is one of the most repeated acts in facing responsiblity for our spilled milk, unfortunately every day offers new challenges for not making "I" contact.
What to do?
Act like a King.
From King David in Palms 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
The abundant life only comes through making “I” contact. Our voice for help for our tickling ears is the ancient one calling us through a new twist on King Davids plea: “Search YOU, I know your heart, I’m testing you and I know your anxious thoughts. You need to search each morning and evening to know if there is any offensive way in YOU, and if you do this I will lead you to the Promised Land. I'm fighting for you to have the marriage I designed for you, you can do it, just make a little "I" contact, be careful, Satan's "I" is on you."
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