Marriage Tip #8 “Glass Houses, First Stones, and Logs”

The other day, well a lot of other days, I was driving down a street, a thousand streets, when I saw the most irksome thing ever, a person honked their horn at a another car going to the store, school, work, church, hospital, Pizza Hut, or the hardware store, whatever, the honked at person made a driving mistake, and had the wrath of the offended to deal with.

This was not a little horn honking that is often used to warn another, or in some extreme cases, letting another driver in line, this was an endless middle finger of sound penetrating the offender’s very soul.  This was a, "I caught you stealing from children horn honking, this was someone getting caught in the act of stealing from a Nun." If I hadn’t witnessed the incident myself I would’ve thought a terrible thing had occurred rather then just the run of the mill, million times a day, driving mistake, a mistake, not an intentional, a mistake, not an on purpose, but a mistake.

Here’s the rub of the honking, the honker has committed a thousand mistakes while driving, but he became incensed when another person did the same thing he’s done, over, and over, and over, and over, and for crying out loud, over again. Wow, people like this are the most irritating people on earth because they are willing to cast stones while they themselves have been caught with their pants down in public a gazillion times. But, oh, no brother, don’t ever think for a moment you can get away with a mistake in front of Orlando the offended.

Don’t you all feel the same as I, haven’t you seen this play out a hundred times in front of you, aren’t you a little frustrated with why people lambaste people for the very things they have done themselves?

This same frustrating thing takes place a gazillion times in marriage. Why do we get so angry, frustrated, undone, and hurt, when our mates do something offensive, intentional or not, when we have done the same thing ourselves, over, and over, and over, and over and over, and for crying out, loud over again?

Jesus told us if we are without sin then we can throw the first stone, no one did, but we do, pretty interesting stuff, what makes us not see ourselves before we start heaving the hard stuff? Jesus said before you take a splinter out of someone else, check the log in your own eye, in other words don’t. Sometimes we forget our own vulnerability and "throw stones" at other people in the form of criticism. A person might remind us that we too have our own faults and weaknesses by saying "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones". Example: "Look at what time it is... you are late again!" Answer: "Hey, how often are you not on time? People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

What causes someone to be critical & intolerant of others? People who are overly critical of other people are usually very unhappy themselves and are simply projecting that onto everyone else they come into contact with. Here are some common emotions that cause some people to be overly critical:

• Being frustrated with their own lives
• Jealousy of others
• Having unmet goals
• General unhappiness
• Anger
• Self- loathing
• Feeling taken advantage of by other people
• Feeling unlucky or cursed in some way
• Inferiority complex
• Lack of self-confidence

So now what?

• Think before you speak – the next time you open your mouth to criticize someone or something, take a moment and really think about why you want to criticize that person. Is it them that has the problem, or is it more to do with you?
• Re-frame –  if an overly critical thought crosses your mind, try to think of something nice about that person to counteract it. It will make you feel better and could improve your feelings towards that person. This is very helpful, especially if the person is someone you love!
• Improve your self-image – if you are unhappy with your life, why not take active steps towards changing it, rather than blaming others for your situation? Exercise, take up a hobby or revamp your wardrobe – do anything that will make you feel good!
• Exercise and nutriton - exercising and eating well will enable you to be the best possible version of yourself you can be. Exercise increases the production of endorphins which will make you feel better and you’ll be less likely to criticize others. 
• Check you “Love Bank.” Marriages, like banks have deposits and withdraws, if you mate has put in a thousand dollars of help over the week, then when they take a fifty dollar withdraw (do a silly or hurtful thing) then realize that they haven’t bankrupt you. Just like at the bank, there is still money in the love bank. Get over the tiny withdraws and count the money in the bank.

FORGIVE!